Gentlemen prefer blonds
by Screwed-upFlufflyBugger.com
Summary: Draco *accidently* get's TRANSFORMED into...a girl! (much sillyness and an OPEN MIND apply)
1. Pumpkin

Gentlemen prefer Blondes

By Screwed-up_FluffyBugger.com

"bPOTTER YOU BASTARD!/b" Draco screeched across the Slytherin house dining table at the Griffindors. He was shouting at the 5th years, or more specifically, Harry Potter, who was smirking in an oh-so Snapey manner. Draco snarled furiously at Harry, wringing his long silver hair, trying to squeeze the residual of the fried tomato and pumpkin juice bomb that had been thrown at him only moments ago. 

"Ooo, what are you going to do, Ferret? Nibble my finger off?"

The room exploded with a roar of laughter, save for several Slytherins who were trying desperately not to snigger.

Harry had been taunting Draco all through breakfast, and now the fumes were visibly steaming from Draco's ears. 

Harry's smirk faded as he watched Draco pull out his wand form his robes and with a loud scream of I_"Dragoonis Pyrotica!"/I shot a large bolt of Baby Dragon fire in Harry's direction. _

I(Note: Baby dragon fire is magical fire that doesn't burn anything apart form it's initial target. Unfortunately, its initial target, if hit, is brutally and painfully incinerated before being evaporated into thin air [or being eaten by a dog. Which ever comes first])/I 

Harry ducked under the long table just before having his head cremated (but not without singeing a few stray black hairs).

Draco was fuming at the other side of the dining room, shooting bolt after bolt of the deadly fire like a pyromaniac on cocaine. 

From the staff table, all of the teachers were panicking with great fear of mortal peril, save for two of them: Dumbledore and Snape. 

Dumbledore remained annoyingly calm, reassuring everyone that no one was in grave danger, and that they should let the boys resolve the little 'spat' by themselves. Snape was just happy to finally see the little git get what he deserved. (Harry that is.  He wouldn't want anything bad to happen to his Dracums.)

Harry had picked up a bronze plate, reflecting any fire that came his way. Although the plate wasn't melting, it was becoming incredibly hot. He dropped the scolding plate when his fingers started to blister.

Draco smirked, and summoned up all his magical strength, pausing before firing the spell (for dramatic affect, of course), then let loose what could only be described as a small super nova form his wand.

 As quick as a demented bolt of lightening, Harry pulled out his wand and shouting an incantation (I_"Gynoda Hydrotransa!"/I__ ) of mermaids fountain. Huge streams of freezing acidic green water jetted out of Harry's wand. There was a loud hiss and a cloud of steam as the nova was distinguished, the sound of people coughing and girls screaming. _

As the hot steam died away, so did the noise. When the steam completely cleared, only Harry was the only boy standing. He stood on the Griffindor table, looking towards the Slytherins, but seeing no sign of Draco. 

What had happened? Mermaid's fountain was only meant to neutralise fire spells, not react with them.

Then a horrible realisation dawned on Harry.

Mermaid's Fountain was not meant to be green (acidic or otherwise).

It was then that Hermione stood up and grabbed Harry by the scruff of his collar, pulling him down to ear level. 

"It's Gynoda HydroTANA!!" She growled "Not Transa! TANA!!!" 

"So…So what spell did I_I/I do?" Harry stuttered. _

They turned to look back at  where Draco had been standing, only to see a large group of Slytherins, Professors and random curious people crowed round his unconscious form. Harry got up to go and have a closer look at Draco, only to be dragged over by Snape.

"You…" Snape started in a low, menacing voice. Harry swore that his eyes were going a dark shade of red. "300 POINTS FROM GRIFFINDOR! AND DETENTIONS FOR THE LOT OF YOU!" He pointed at the rest of Griffindor house, who were sitting at their table. Could Snape really keep a whole house in detention? Harry wasn't looking forward to finding out.

"Stand aside!" a shrill voice bellowed. Madame Pomfrey came bustling in through the doors of the great hall. She pushed aside a group of 4th year Slytherin's and stood directly over Draco. 

"Crabbe, Goyle, Help me carry the stretcher while I take this-" She paused for a moment, not quite sure what to say. "-this _child to the infirmary." Crabbe and Goyle stood, their jaws still hung low form shock._

"WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!" Snape interrupted, shouting in anger. "YOU HEARD MADAME POMFREY, GET MALFOY TO THE INFIRMARY!" 

Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other, and then picked up Draco surprisingly gently and dropped him onto the stretcher. The three of them walked out of the room, leaving behind many confused students and a bunch of giggling Slytherins. 

Draco woke up in one of the soft hospital beds with a pounding head and cramps in his abdomen. He felt sick and dizzy, like he was about to throw up.

Which he did. 

He lifted his head out of the large wooden bucket, his frizzy blond hair getting in his eyes. He saw his wand laying on the bed-side table next to him, so he picked it up and conjured up a tissue.

He also conjured up what looked like two aspirin and a glass of water. His head felt like there was a small all night rave going on inside it. He sat up-right to take the tablets, and then laid back against the head board. 

His chest didn't usually feel this heavy. And those cramps were really bad. And since was his hair so frizzy and long?

Then it clicked.

IOh. My. God./I

He slowly glanced down at his duvet-smothered body. He picked up the heavy blankets and stared, screamed, and promptly fainted.

He, Draco Malfoy, was now a girl. 


	2. Parsnip

The slang/spelling of the words in this fic are English, for I am British, and for my country's pride, I spell colour with a 'u'!  
  
Disclaimer: The usual.  
  
Bad dream.very bad dream.Draco told himself. He was lying down on the fluffy hospital bed, and started to pull himself up into a sitting position. It had to be a dream! There's no way in hell that he could be a...  
  
He looked down.  
  
The screams rang all through the hospital wing like a wailing, high-pitched fire alarm. You could hear the sound of pained groans coming from the other occupied beds form people who had obviously been sleeping.  
  
"Will you please try to become calm, Miss Malfoy, the other patents need their rest too." said Madame Pomfrey sternly. Draco sprung to his feet, but fell down instantly from the weight of his chest. He was just not used to those things! The door opened whilst Madame Pomfrey struggled to keep Draco form getting up again. Dumbledor walked in with his annoying little twinkley eyed smile was accompanied by two people. Professor Snape (who took one look at Draco and swore rather rudely) and.  
  
"POTTER!"  
  
Harry took two steps back as Draco lunged himself at him. His regulation green night-dress stretched tightly over his huge bosoms, hitching it up to mini skirt length. Snape and Dumbledor both caught one of Draco's arms, catching him before he could fall flat on his face again. Rage was the only expression on his face.  
  
"Now, now, mister Malfoy." Dumbledor started, eyes a twinkle "Mister Potter has come to say something to you. Isn't that right, Harry?" Dumbledor turned to look at Harry to find him with his eyes wide and his jaw hanging.  
  
"Yeah.nice knockers." He blurted. The room went icily silent, Draco now going red form anger and embarrassment.  
  
"Nice WHAT?!"  
  
"You heard the boy." Dumbledor said with total seriousness. "Lovely melons you've got there, Mister Malfoy." He turned to Harry. "Excellent gender switching spell. No flaws at all. Well done."  
  
"WHAT!?!?!"  
  
"But Professor Dumbledor!-" Snape began to protest, angry that Harry had been congratulated for this disaster rather than hung by his thumbs form the dungeon ceiling whilst having to recite the ingredients of a tongue swelling antidote.  
  
"Hush now, Severus, less I bring up the incident with James Potter where you were transfigured into a parsnip."  
  
And with that, Snape abruptly shut up.  
  
"Oh, do not worry, my dear girl." Dumbledor had turned to see the look of horror on Draco's face. He smiled and said "You are the perfect example of femininity. I'm sure you'll fit in just fine in the girls dormitory as you did in the boys." Draco turned in disbelief to Professor Snape, hoping to get support form him, only that he was sitting on a conjured chair, and had flushed a deep pink colour, mumbling angrily into his flattened palm that he rested his mouth on.  
  
"YOU...CAN'T...BE...SERIOUS?!"  
  
"I certainly am, my dear. Now, I'm sure you need some rest, so just relax, and we will-"  
  
"I'M NOT STUCK LIKE THIS, AM I?!"  
  
"Um, well I'm afraid that there's no known counter spell or reversal for this particular transfigurative spell, but-"  
  
"THAT'S BLOODY RIDICULOUS!" Draco interrupted. "HOW THE HELL IS IT POSSIBLE TO CHANGE PROFESSOR SNAPE BACK FORM A FRIGGIN PASNIP AND NOT CHANGE ME BACK INTO A BOY?!"  
  
"Nobody ever said the laws of magic were logical, Miss Malfoy" Dumbledor smiled exasperatedly. "I will have Professor McGonnagal try to find a reversal, but I can quite honestly say that you should by no means panic about the situation but relish it as an experience. All you should do now is relax. I'm sure we'll have you back to normal.soon." Dumbledor hesitated, then smiled and pulled out a brown paper bag form the inside of his robes.  
  
"Lemon sherbet?"  
  
But Draco was in no mood for confectionery. He had a look of shock, anger and bemusement all meshed into one unattractive sneer apon his delicate face.  
  
"Just.just you wait till my father-"  
  
"Your father" Snape said quietly in a menacing way only he can perform "already knows of your.transformation." His voice lowered to a growl "and I had the *pleasure* of telling him"  
  
Draco stared down at the floor in disbelief. It was only now did he notice Snape's shoes were bright pink with neon yellow buckles.  
  
"Well, we'll leave you to rest" Dumbledor said affectionately. "I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine once you've recovered; and I expect you back in class by tomorrow morning. Come along gentlemen."  
  
The 3 men turned to leave, with the exception of Snape, who gave Draco one aggravated yet surprisingly sympathetic look (apathy he'd acquired form the memories of the parsnip incident) and then turned to leave, robes a- billowing behind him.  
  
Draco curled up on the hospital bed. It all seemed so unreal! He'd been so caught up in the surreal conversation he'd had that he hadn't noticed the pains in his abdomen. He sighted tiredly, then he did something that he hadn't done since he could remember.  
  
So for the first time in 14 years, Draco Malfoy broke down and cried. 


End file.
